I miss him..

One of my friends said something to me the other day that got me thinking. We always identify ourselves with the people in our lives, our loved ones..  "Hie, I am OBM's daughter....Sangwani's sister... Mwabu's girlfriend or Zandi's friend..". So what happens when you lose that person? a part of your identity goes with them. I felt like that when my dad died. Suddenly this large part of who i was was taken away from me; my icecream had suddenly fallen out of its cone and there was nothing i could do about it; a part of my lifeline was yanked off and for a while there i wasn't sure. Every now and then i think about how i can no longer pick up the phone and call him..or wait on his phone calls...hear him say "what do you want?" even when i just called him to let him know i missed him. I will always be his third born daughter; just that i can't be in the same room with him now, that he won't hear me say i love him (or maybe he can). I miss that man. All the lectures, all the late night chats, all the wise words and all the funny things he rarely said..i just miss being his daughter.
When you think you've seen it all, felt it all; another significant event in your life brings a fresh wave of emotions and pain.