2 years ago today

07.02.12..i felt more alone than I'd ever felt. Like i couldnt stand walking this world knowing he wasnt in it. Like somehow, as long as he was out there somewhere, if i was ever really in trouble i knew where i could go and while maybe he wouldnt do exactly what i wanted him to do, he'd keep me alive; he would get me through whatever it was to live another day.  But he wasnt anywhere i could reach him anymore, it broke my heart...breaks my heart still. When you miss someone..its weird, your body doesnt function normally..as it should. Because I miss you and my heart is not steady, my soul is numb, my fingers are cold.
There are many things i dont know but quite a few i do. I know you cant be lost if you know where you are. I know that life is full of precious and fragile things, and not all of them are pretty. I know that the sun follows the moon and makes days, one after another. Time passes, the world turns and we turn with it; and though we can never go back to the beginning, sometimes we can start again. But i do not know how to ever move on from this; how to ever think of you and not wish you were still here; how to not be broken. I am broken, almost all-the-way-deep, and I dont know if i can ever be unbroken, let alone well again.
I miss you pa...more than i could ever learn to express. Rest in Peace.