The 20s.

I have recently developed an increasingly alarming addiction to Instagram and Pinterest. Pinterest, because everything there is pretty and oh so cute, and my feed is only updated according to my preferences. Instagram because I like to see all the pretty clothes and places people are at; and to look at strangers's babies *hides* Is it weird? lol... Probably is but am a sucker for babies.
Now speaking of Pinterest, I read over some notes, quotes or whatever you might want to call them about being in your 20s. Most of them said the 20s are our selfish years, were we are old enough to make the right decisions but young enough to make the wrong ones; a time to travel, explore, fall in love, be ridiculous, silly, stupid and young. A lot of us will agree with this, myself included.
So this post is basically me blabbing about MY experience in the twenties so far. OMG am almost 25!!!! *jaw drops* When did I get so old? is 25 old? meh..anyway, here goes.

• This is when you should be getting an education! A first, second, or third qualification; whatever it is, just get an education. If you're a super student and really enjoy academics, you could easily bag 4 accolades in your 20s. I've gotten my first degree, working on the second, and hopefully before I hit 30 (yikes), I would have either gone through a masters or attained another qualification. I really want to be an ably qualified woman someday (hello Miss (Mrs) Independent). To be able to work anywhere because I have the qualification for it and to really enjoy it. I mean, its all our parents ever hope for when they send us to school, we can only but make the most of it for OUR own benefit. 
• But there are also some people who can't get an education for one reason or the other, its not the end of the world, education isn't everything (although it sure makes a lot of things easier). Well the 20s are a time to figure out how to be independent. Too young to be fully independent, but too old to be totally dependent on your parents. How can I make money? Should I look for a job? Should I start my own business? These are questions a lot of us are asking ourselves. I'm personally asking myself whether to study further full time or to look for a job. Gosh, so many decisions to be made when all you really want to do is be "silly, stupid and young".
• That said, the 20s is the perfect time to kickstart your career (yes yes, everybody knows that). But most of us don't often start out working in the field/industry we hoped/wanted to and thats fine; just don't lose sight of where you want to be and settle for anything else. The 20s is a time to dream BIG! If you can conceive it, try it! Apply for the most sort after bursaries, the most lucrative internships and jobs. And even when you constantly get no, atleast you tired.. who knows, you might just be ìt´.
• Everyone you went to school with is getting married (me inclusive, haha). But really, literally everyone I went to high school is either getting married, is married or is having/has a baby. In the case that you are not getting married, everyone is asking you when you're getting married. You could swear its all the 20s are for..not!
• First car anyone?! If you're from a typical African home, getting your first car in your teens is something you only ever see on tv (no?). So the 20s is the best time to get one. Your parents might be nice enough to help you pay for one, and lucky for those whose parents actually get them one. But if like me you have to save every last penny to get one, the 20s is the time! Why am I even talking about cars? I don't even have a driver's licence. 
• Baby fever! Oh my gosh!!! This is a legit diagnosis :P. I speak for every girl, okay maybe not every one. But every other female in their 20s suffers from this warm fuzzy ovaries jumping up and down syndrome whenever they see a (cute) baby. It definitely doesn't help that everyone around you is having babies. You're faced with the feeling of wanting a baby but not being ready for it. Research says the best time to reproduce is between 18 and 25. So it is only natural that our bodies are overly sensitive. However, most of us are either still studying, still not financially independent, are not in stable relationships and are just not emotionally ready for it, no matter how bad our (baby fever) symptoms are. But I'll say, mid to late 20s is the perfect time to become a mother. Your body is 'youthful' enough, you're (hopefully) mature enough and hopefully are engaged to be married or are married (yes, yes, I am a little old school), are  financially secure and can give your child the utmost love and care. Oh, i could go on and on...but all in all
• the 20s are meant to be LIVED! travel, meet new people, try something new ever so often, eat good food, dress well, spend money that you don't have(:D), create memories and save a little room for the person you want to become in your 30s.

-thats all she wrote-

xx

Am alive, it's 2015, and am so blessed!

Helllllllloooo world!!!!...or cyber world atleast. Goodness, it feels like forever and a day since I've been here; or written anything! Let's just say I have been busy living and learning.. 

So this is just to let everyone (..or anyone) reading this that I am alive, I am happy, I am blessed and I am ready to keep my blog up to date again! 

Cliche but..please watch this space. More random and 'emosh' posts coming up.

-That's all she wrote-

Oh, and here's proof am alive :P

What I Wrote

“Each day means a new twenty-four hours. Each day means everything's possible again. You live in the moment, you die in the moment, you take it all one day at a time...You try to walk in the light.”
    -Marie Lu -

 

I have been meaning to post something for a while now; but everytime I wrote and typed something up, it somehow ended up in my drafts and never made it to the blog. To say the last few months have been some of the most exciting would be an understatement. I have found myself challenged in so many aspects of my life; finding myself and sometimes also losing myself to indecision and trying to take control of things I cannot change; not right now anyway. I have found myself far removed from comfort, emotionally and physically and it has been a time of growth for me; if I say so myself. I have experienced a love that is everything and more. I have experienced some personal failures; gone through moments of self doubt, but ultimately I have grown.

Just to share some of what has been in my drafts.  Honestly, sometimes when I read what's in my draft box am not really sure what inspired what I wrote (hahaha).

On 07/10/14 I wrote: Pesky Emotions
Sometimes, the things we want the most aren't meant for us; more often than not because what we need is what we get instead. We don't always realise it, not at first anyway. I guess this is what they call hindsight; understanding of a situation or event only after it has happened or developed. I am learning this lesson fast, and honestly in ways I still wish I didn't need to experience. You work hard towards achieving something and your efforts don't show. Sometimes it is because you are (I am) not doing enough but sometimes its just because maybe you (I am) doing the right thing at something that is not right or something that is wrong for you(me). Maybe this reasoning is just a way of making myself feel better about things when they dont go or turn out as I hoped; a defense mechanism if you will. It helps cushion the fall, a tourniquet for the inevitable bleeding that's coming. Sometimes you are all you've got, no one else understand you the way you do and ultimately, you should do what you must.

I wrote: Road Trip Musings
The last two weeks have been some of the best, most intense days of my life! So far removed from my comfort zone, yet so deliriously happy! If someone told me I'd be on the road to Venice right now a few months ago, I would have never believed them. But here I am, almost one in the morning,an hour from Chiogga, writing about it. I spent the last few days in the southern coast of Italy; got to see three of the five most scenic and beautiful villages of Cinque Terre. Onto nearby La Reci, through Tellario,to La Spezia, all the way to Pisa! To say I feel absolutely and utterly blessed and thankful to have had the chance to experience all of this would be the understatement of the year; Mr Clouds, you are amazing! I especially loved Monterosso, the early morning swim in the Med sea had me sold, a place I would definitely love to visit again. Dare I say I loved the coast; even though all the mountain passes were not my favourite, the views from the top were so surreal; the true embodiment of breathtaking. Never mind that this vacation begun as a trip to a lake in Munchen; being spontaneously crazy, we left with nothing but what we have in the car, no change of clothes or anything; no fuss, best way to travel. I am keen to see where the next few days lead us.
To the one whose put up with me, been my camera guy and selfie partner, my tour guide, but above all, the reason for all the happiness and joy I feel right now; you have made me feel absolutely loved and made me feel so special, danke, Ich Liebe Dich! There are not enough words or ways to express how thankful I am for you, for us and this amazing experience.

On 14/4/14 I wrote: Musings

If I had a penny for every time I got emotionally frustrated, my piggy bank would be overflowing! Being let down by the very people you'd look to for comfort has got to be one of the most annoyingly frustrating things!!
Sitting in a friend's lounge, my time series analysis assignment on my lap, staring at bits of my treatises that were typed up on my laptop; I had an 'epiphany' Maybe it was the rain pouring outside, or something to do with the soft sounds of The Soil that was playing in the back...or to be most practical, it was what I had been pushing to the back of my mind all day coming to claim it's own.We need not complicate what is simple and simplify what is complicated.

Life must go on; whether we get left behind or we are the ones moving forward, life must and will go on.

#ThatsAllSheWrote

 

Stronger

The thing with life is nothing ever truly stays the same. Friends come and go, clothing is packed and unpacked, households are continually purged of unnecessary items, and as a result, not much sticks. it's hard at times to accept and move along with the changes but it makes you strong in ways that most people can't understand. 

14.05.14 marks the third birthday that he didn't get to see; he would have turned 60. So much has changed since you've been gone; from being completely broken to being strong enough to not cry but think of only our happiest times as I celebrate your life;  one that I think you lived fully. Time really does teach you that even though we may feel like we are left behind, memories will always get us through the harder days. And somehow, we start to realise that living our lives the best way we can is the one gift we can still give to you. 'I will always be my father's child'- a phrase so simple but yet so meaningful to me. On the days when I feel like giving up on things, on those days I don't feel strong enough, on those days I feel am not good enough, I remind myself that I am my father's child! And his is a child that has learnt enough lessons to know that just because today is a bad day, tomorrow isn't going to be the same. One bad day doesn't make a bad life. I am so grateful for the lessons I learnt sitting at the table with him. But most of all, I am blessed to have had him for a dad! OBM, you are still my number 1 man! 

Dear Husband

Dear husband,

The date is April 26, 2014. I don't think I have met you yet; but if I have, am glad you are in my life, even though you might possibly not be my favorite person right now. You may not realise it yet either, you might think me obnoxious and silly, intimidating and mean or maybe even too serious to be your type. But if on the contrary you find me most attractive and charming, quirky and smart; I can't wait to meet you. I hope I realise what a catch you are on a beautiful day; I hope I learn to love you in the purest of ways. I know it won't be a fairytale but I hope ours will be a story to tell; not because of how extraordinary it was, but because of how unexpectedly beautiful it became. I hope you will love me as much as I will love you, maybe even more (:D). I hope you give the warmest hugs and like to hold hands; and I sure hope you'll be patient with me. I hope you like babies as much as I do (just don't expect me to have 5). I hope you appreciate a good read as much as i do, indulge in good food as I do. I hope you'll be adventurous, never limiting yourself to the ordinary. I hope you are a man who does not conform to standards, but goes above and beyond what is expected.

Husband, I hope I will become a better person because you inspire me. In you, I hope to find a friend and a lover; a safe haven and a pillar for all things I could not bear alone. In you I hope to give our children a great gift, a father like no other.

 

"To My Dear and Loving Husband

Anne Bradstreet, 1612 - 1672

If ever two were one, then surely we.
If ever man were loved by wife, then thee;
If ever wife was happy in a man,
Compare with me ye women if you can.
I prize thy love more than whole mines of gold,
Or all the riches that the East doth hold.
My love is such that rivers cannot quench,
Nor ought but love from thee give recompense.
Thy love is such I can no way repay;	
The heavens reward thee manifold, I pray.
Then while we live, in love let's so persever,
That when we live no more we may live ever. "

Thoughts leading to 'Dear Husband'

Suppose we got older, without looking back, together..you and I...

A topic thats come up a lot in quite a few of the conversations I've had lately is that of who you end up with, who you'll get to call husband and the father of your child(ren) some day and what kind of a person you hope he'll be. I keep telling myself I don't have to think about it just yet..after all I reckon I still have plenty of time to make up my mind about who or what I need and want in my life for the long haul. Sounds great right? Except it isn't such a great plan..am in my mid twenties and not getting any younger... Not that I plan to get married tomorrow, just to be clear.

Hold my hand when we cross the street; wake me up with a good morning kiss. Play my favorite song and never be afraid to rock out with me. Text me in the middle of the day, call me to say goodnight. Send me a dozen roses just because you can; take me out of town, just to try something new.  Wouldn't we all like to be with someone like that?!  I would, but that's not all I want.. This would make the perfect boyfriend, and maybe also the perfect husband. But I think the latter needs to be a lot more.

4 letter words

Like.Love.Hurt.Hate.

In the words of Sir Elton Jones, "it's a little bit funny" how much weight a four letter word can carry; don't you agree? 

You wake up one day, and life leads you on a path that crosses someone else's and suddenly you are having sleepless nights about someone who in more ways than one is a stranger. Like. His perfect. Gentle, funny, sweet, different. His everything you've been wanting; where has he been all your life? That's probably whatever hormones that trigger crushes;some might call it infatuation. You see no wrong, only perfection. You get to spend time with him, talk over the phone, maybe even go to the movies; you start to like him. Now, at this point you have realized he is not all perfection, he has flaws, just like the next person. It bothers you, and you try to get him to work on them. You tell your siblings about him and show him off to your friends. You always look your best and are on your best behavior around him. You send each other cute text messages.   One day, you realise the flaws that bothered you before, don't. They quite frankly make him the person he is..oh wait.. Yes, the person you love. Love. How did that happen? How did you suddenly go from talking on the phone late at night to talking on the phone during the day? From being at your best with him to being just you around him. The thing about this love thing, the way I see it, is you don't need to try, you just do. Suddenly you are talking about him to your parents, bringing him to Sunday lunch(maybe not in my Zambian home..lol) and suddenly his happiness means as much to you as yours does. Even when you are not having sleepless nights thinking about him, you know his the one that has your heart. You find yourself putting his needs before yours. And that's where things start to get a little complicated. Your heart is his, but is his heart yours? He calls only every other day. Constantly picks the boys over you; now don't get me wrong, his allowed to have time with his boys, just as you are your girls; but when on any given day his picking the boys over you,or doing one thing or the next, you start to question where you stand. Questions need answers. When you can't find them yourself, you ask him. Turns out, the answers aren't always what we want to hear. Hurt. That pesky annoying emotion that we all don't like, yes that happens. You get hurt when you realise your efforts are not as appreciated as you hoped; your love has been taken for granted. You get hurt when he forgets your birthday, when you leave messages and he doesn't call you or text back. You get hurt when you realise you are not the most important person in his life anymore, because now you are probably just 'her'. You get hurt when he ends it; how did that happen? Maybe you saw it coming, maybe you didn't. Regardless of which it was, that pesky emotion shows face. You 

take time to mourn a love lost, or maybe not. You either regret him and what you had or maybe you learn from the experience. For some, once one strong emotion is lost, it is replaced by another. Hate. When you can't stand to see him happy, usually with someone else. When all the love you had is now a thing of yesterday; how could you have loved this guy? How did you miss all these traits that you now can't stomach? The world would be a better place without him. You never want to see him or hear from or about him.Hate. 

Lucky for us. It doesn't have to happen like that or in that order for that matter. The beauty of life is it throws you curveballs, and throws unexpected people into your life when you're not looking, in ways you never saw coming. That boy you thought you hated in middle school is suddenly that man waiting for you at the altar. That puny girl from around the corner is the beautiful woman having your baby. Love is a beautiful thing, so I hear. I can tell you the road leading to that destination is just as beautiful; bumpy, long and downright frustrating, yet so exciting, heartwarming and the reason you are dreaming about flower fields and rainbows. 

Oh, heart, you are such a soldier!