Quoting my not so newly found favourite author, C.JoyBell C, "it is during the times when i am far outside my element that i experience myself the most."
Something about being uncomfortable, nervous, angry, sad or stressed that brings out certain truths out of us. I find that i write better when i am having an off day or i'm struggling with something; nothing to kick start pensive moments like sadness n possible failure. Apparently my mind is too busy dancing to be very creative when i am happy or excited.
I reckon I over analyse situations, over think things and end up psyching myself up..most times its all for nothing, i need to let things just play out sometimes.
Bright eyed and bushy tailed at 2am; er..not exactly how i hoped the night would turn out. Every other day, there's news of another young soul gone too soon, a reminder of just how fragile life is. What if tomorrow never comes? what if am breathing my last? if i never live to see another sunrise, or achieve my heart's desires; or live to speak what's weighing heavily on my heart?
We take it for granted,oh so casually, that tomorrow is given;that we'll go to bed and be up nice and early the next day to go about our business. Not even stopping for a moment to think what a blessing it is to be alive this day. That you're well enough to read this,and that am favoured enough to write this; that in itself is a gift.
I constantly ask myself "are you afraid of dying?" i could be seated on a bus riding home from varsity, or having a cup of tea(most likely rooibos.lol), and there it is, the question just pops up in my head. I've tried to convince myself that i've made peace with dying; sooner or later we'll all die anyway right? It's the fear of the unknown that bothers me, that i will be non existant or will i just go into a state of nothingness? or will my soul(spirit) linger around a little longer?
And thoughts like these is why i should rather be asleep than bright eyed at two in the morning.
