No pretence here

I am at a point in my life where i don't need to pretend to be anything: who i am, who am friends with or how i feel. I am in search of what it means to be genuine and at peace with who i really am. I have abandoned the masquerade of living up to the expectations of others. I am instead exploring what it means to be truly and completely me; in all my amazing imperfection. Most people 'love' you for who you pretend to be, and to keep that love, you keep pretending. You get locked in an image, an act and the sad thing is people get attached to these masks and forget who they are beneath them; avoiding rather than confronting the world. And when you try to remind them, they hate you for it. I despise the rituals of fake friendship; we should just claw each others eyes out and call it a day instead of putting up huge radiant smiles and giving compliments until our teeth hurt from it all.

Disappointment

I have heard that disappointment, defeat and despair are the tools God uses to show us the way. But they are things in this world you rely on like a sure bet; academic credibility for example. And when they let you down, shifting from where you've carefully placed them, it shakes your faith, right where you stand. It is in those times you feel a sense of loss even though you did not have something in the first place. I guess thats what disappointment is-a sense of loss for something you never had. It will come when your effort does not give you the expected return, if things dont go as planned or when you face failure. Failure is extremely difficult to handle; but those that do, come out stronger. You feel miserable and want to quit, but c'est la vie - it is life. You must make a decision that you are going to move on. It wont happen automatically but you will have to rise up and say 'i dont care how hard this is, i don't care how disappointed i am, i am not going to let this get the best of me. I am moving on with life.' There are worse things than disappointment; and i have lived through several of them already.

Type of people you don't need in your life

2 Timothy 4:7

"I have fought the good fight,i have finished the race, i have kept the faith"

Memoirs

So i woke up this morning(in my own room,finally home) and i noticed a little diary that looked so familiar sticking out of a bag. I went over and opened the bag; and lo and behold...here's all these letters,cards and booklets from high school, from when i was 15 to when i was 17! Now i've had a good laugh at some of the things i wrote,and half the things my friends and i talked about..but am impressed with some of the ish i wrote; i have a few redeeming pieces from back then. Also i just realised i had some good friends back then,or so i thought. Sadly,i haven't seen or spoken to most in years..the friendships just sort of fizzled out after high school. Guess we grew up and became totally different people.

I must have had a serious crush on some boy(?) when i wrote this..

"ever taken a moment to stop and just look me in the eye. If you did you'd see am not a haven of bliss nor peace;that within i am not shimmering,but shattering. Ever taken a minute to think of how much your hie would mean,make me a tad bit rich. Its not what you'll say but what you'll be doing thats gonna get me started. How do i ever say to you that that hie that i never said might have changed you. How do i ever say to you that that i love you i would never say meant more than all the spicy words i ever let out. i just want you to know that if you really knew me that much, you'd know that i cared enough and loved you even more. Because you are special"
*face palm*
oh boy, how cheesy! Lmao.. Boy am i glad that that me got left behind when i left high school.

Telling tales

It is people who have not the slightest clue of whats going on in your life that have so much to say about you. The way i see it, they clearly don't have much going for them. I'm always amused, fascinated really, when i hear rumours about me and things i didn't even know i had done or said; in all fairness, maybe i have a doppelganger somewhere (not). I don't let petty things such as these bother me; but i also know how it can be devasting for some. On the real though, why do people just up and start fabricating 'funny' stories about others? surely you must have better things to do with your time.If not, sorry but am not sorry to say that you are a very sad person. You need to sit your ass down and eat cake; sugar up all that negative energy and maybe get fat whilst you're at it(lol)..If you're one of these people or even just tell tales whose truth you're not certain of,shame on you!

More fruits of solitude

Death is but crossing the world,as friends do the seas,they live in one another still. For they must need to be present,love and live in that which is omnipresent. In this divine glass they see face to face; and their converse is free,as well as pure. This is the comfort of friends,that though they may be said to die,yet their friendship and society are,in the best sense, ever present....immortal.
-William Penn-
I  typed this out a few weeks ago but didn't post it; i guess the world has a way of making things work out at appropriate times because this message is just about right for t'day. Just the other day we laid to rest someone dear to me; a woman most described a gallant soldier,a true daughter of the Almighty father; someone that had become a second mother to my sister only 6months ago. It is true what they say; the good ones always go first. She may be dead to us physically but her legacy lives on; such a beautiful soul she was. May God rest her soul.