Tuesday, August 19, 2014

What I Wrote

“Each day means a new twenty-four hours. Each day means everything's possible again. You live in the moment, you die in the moment, you take it all one day at a time...You try to walk in the light.”
    -Marie Lu -
 
I have been meaning to post something for a while now; but everytime I wrote and typed something up, it somehow ended up in my drafts and never made it to the blog. To say the last few months have been some of the most exciting would be an understatement. I have found myself challenged in so many aspects of my life; finding myself and sometimes also losing myself to indecision and trying to take control of things I cannot change; not right now anyway. I have found myself far removed from comfort, emotionally and physically and it has been a time of growth for me; if I say so myself. I have experienced a love that is everything and more. I have experienced some personal failures; gone through moments of self doubt, but ultimately I have grown.

Just to share some of what has been in my drafts.  Honestly, sometimes when I read what's in my draft box am not really sure what inspired what I wrote (hahaha).

On 07/10/14 I wrote: Pesky Emotions
Sometimes, the things we want the most aren't meant for us; more often than not because what we need is what we get instead. We don't always realise it, not at first anyway. I guess this is what they call hindsight; understanding of a situation or event only after it has happened or developed. I am learning this lesson fast, and honestly in ways I still wish I didn't need to experience. You work hard towards achieving something and your efforts don't show. Sometimes it is because you are (I am) not doing enough but sometimes its just because maybe you (I am) doing the right thing at something that is not right or something that is wrong for you(me). Maybe this reasoning is just a way of making myself feel better about things when they dont go or turn out as I hoped; a defense mechanism if you will. It helps cushion the fall, a tourniquet for the inevitable bleeding that's coming. Sometimes you are all you've got, no one else understand you the way you do and ultimately, you should do what you must.

I wrote: Road Trip Musings
The last two weeks have been some of the best, most intense days of my life! So far removed from my comfort zone, yet so deliriously happy! If someone told me I'd be on the road to Venice right now a few months ago, I would have never believed them. But here I am, almost one in the morning,an hour from Chiogga, writing about it. I spent the last few days in the southern coast of Italy; got to see three of the five most scenic and beautiful villages of Cinque Terre. Onto nearby La Reci, through Tellario,to La Spezia, all the way to Pisa! To say I feel absolutely and utterly blessed and thankful to have had the chance to experience all of this would be the understatement of the year; Mr Clouds, you are amazing! I especially loved Monterosso, the early morning swim in the Med sea had me sold, a place I would definitely love to visit again. Dare I say I loved the coast; even though all the mountain passes were not my favourite, the views from the top were so surreal; the true embodiment of breathtaking. Never mind that this vacation begun as a trip to a lake in Munchen; being spontaneously crazy, we left with nothing but what we have in the car, no change of clothes or anything; no fuss, best way to travel. I am keen to see where the next few days lead us.
To the one whose put up with me, been my camera guy and selfie partner, my tour guide, but above all, the reason for all the happiness and joy I feel right now; you have made me feel absolutely loved and made me feel so special, danke, Ich Liebe Dich! There are not enough words or ways to express how thankful I am for you, for us and this amazing experience.

On 14/4/14 I wrote: Musings

If I had a penny for every time I got emotionally frustrated, my piggy bank would be overflowing! Being let down by the very people you'd look to for comfort has got to be one of the most annoyingly frustrating things!!
Sitting in a friend's lounge, my time series analysis assignment on my lap, staring at bits of my treatises that were typed up on my laptop; I had an 'epiphany' Maybe it was the rain pouring outside, or something to do with the soft sounds of The Soil that was playing in the back...or to be most practical, it was what I had been pushing to the back of my mind all day coming to claim it's own.We need not complicate what is simple and simplify what is complicated.
Life must go on; whether we get left behind or we are the ones moving forward, life must and will go on.

#ThatsAllSheWrote

 

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Stronger

The thing with life is nothing ever truly stays the same. Friends come and go, clothing is packed and unpacked, households are continually purged of unnecessary items, and as a result, not much sticks. it's hard at times to accept and move along with the changes but it makes you strong in ways that most people can't understand. 
14.05.14 marks the third birthday that he didn't get to see; he would have turned 60. So much has changed since you've been gone; from being completely broken to being strong enough to not cry but think of only our happiest times as I celebrate your life;  one that I think you lived fully. Time really does teach you that even though we may feel like we are left behind, memories will always get us through the harder days. And somehow, we start to realise that living our lives the best way we can is the one gift we can still give to you. 'I will always be my father's child'- a phrase so simple but yet so meaningful to me. On the days when I feel like giving up on things, on those days I don't feel strong enough, on those days I feel am not good enough, I remind myself that I am my father's child! And his is a child that has learnt enough lessons to know that just because today is a bad day, tomorrow isn't going to be the same. One bad day doesn't make a bad life. I am so grateful for the lessons I learnt sitting at the table with him. But most of all, I am blessed to have had him for a dad! OBM, you are still my number 1 man! 

Saturday, April 26, 2014

Dear Husband


Dear husband,

The date is April 26, 2014. I don't think I have met you yet; but if I have, am glad you are in my life, even though you might possibly not be my favorite person right now. You may not realise it yet either, you might think me obnoxious and silly, intimidating and mean or maybe even too serious to be your type. But if on the contrary you find me most attractive and charming, quirky and smart; I can't wait to meet you. I hope I realise what a catch you are on a beautiful day; I hope I learn to love you in the purest of ways. I know it won't be a fairytale but I hope ours will be a story to tell; not because of how extraordinary it was, but because of how unexpectedly beautiful it became. I hope you will love me as much as I will love you, maybe even more (:D). I hope you give the warmest hugs and like to hold hands; and I sure hope you'll be patient with me. I hope you like babies as much as I do (just don't expect me to have 5). I hope you appreciate a good read as much as i do, indulge in good food as I do. I hope you'll be adventurous, never limiting yourself to the ordinary. I hope you are a man who does not conform to standards, but goes above and beyond what is expected.
Husband, I hope I will become a better person because you inspire me. In you, I hope to find a friend and a lover; a safe haven and a pillar for all things I could not bear alone. In you I hope to give our children a great gift, a father like no other.
 

"To My Dear and Loving Husband

Anne Bradstreet1612 - 1672
If ever two were one, then surely we.
If ever man were loved by wife, then thee;
If ever wife was happy in a man,
Compare with me ye women if you can.
I prize thy love more than whole mines of gold,
Or all the riches that the East doth hold.
My love is such that rivers cannot quench,
Nor ought but love from thee give recompense.
Thy love is such I can no way repay;	
The heavens reward thee manifold, I pray.
Then while we live, in love let's so persever,
That when we live no more we may live ever. "

Thoughts leading to 'Dear Husband'

Suppose we got older, without looking back, together..you and I...
A topic thats come up a lot in quite a few of the conversations I've had lately is that of who you end up with, who you'll get to call husband and the father of your child(ren) some day and what kind of a person you hope he'll be. I keep telling myself I don't have to think about it just yet..after all I reckon I still have plenty of time to make up my mind about who or what I need and want in my life for the long haul. Sounds great right? Except it isn't such a great plan..am in my mid twenties and not getting any younger... Not that I plan to get married tomorrow, just to be clear.
Hold my hand when we cross the street; wake me up with a good morning kiss. Play my favorite song and never be afraid to rock out with me. Text me in the middle of the day, call me to say goodnight. Send me a dozen roses just because you can; take me out of town, just to try something new.  Wouldn't we all like to be with someone like that?!  I would, but that's not all I want.. This would make the perfect boyfriend, and maybe also the perfect husband. But I think the latter needs to be a lot more.


Friday, April 18, 2014

4 letter words

Like.Love.Hurt.Hate.
In the words of Sir Elton Jones, "it's a little bit funny" how much weight a four letter word can carry; don't you agree? 
You wake up one day, and life leads you on a path that crosses someone else's and suddenly you are having sleepless nights about someone who in more ways than one is a stranger. Like. His perfect. Gentle, funny, sweet, different. His everything you've been wanting; where has he been all your life? That's probably whatever hormones that trigger crushes;some might call it infatuation. You see no wrong, only perfection. You get to spend time with him, talk over the phone, maybe even go to the movies; you start to like him. Now, at this point you have realized he is not all perfection, he has flaws, just like the next person. It bothers you, and you try to get him to work on them. You tell your siblings about him and show him off to your friends. You always look your best and are on your best behavior around him. You send each other cute text messages.   One day, you realise the flaws that bothered you before, don't. They quite frankly make him the person he is..oh wait.. Yes, the person you love. Love. How did that happen? How did you suddenly go from talking on the phone late at night to talking on the phone during the day? From being at your best with him to being just you around him. The thing about this love thing, the way I see it, is you don't need to try, you just do. Suddenly you are talking about him to your parents, bringing him to Sunday lunch(maybe not in my Zambian home..lol) and suddenly his happiness means as much to you as yours does. Even when you are not having sleepless nights thinking about him, you know his the one that has your heart. You find yourself putting his needs before yours. And that's where things start to get a little complicated. Your heart is his, but is his heart yours? He calls only every other day. Constantly picks the boys over you; now don't get me wrong, his allowed to have time with his boys, just as you are your girls; but when on any given day his picking the boys over you,or doing one thing or the next, you start to question where you stand. Questions need answers. When you can't find them yourself, you ask him. Turns out, the answers aren't always what we want to hear. Hurt. That pesky annoying emotion that we all don't like, yes that happens. You get hurt when you realise your efforts are not as appreciated as you hoped; your love has been taken for granted. You get hurt when he forgets your birthday, when you leave messages and he doesn't call you or text back. You get hurt when you realise you are not the most important person in his life anymore, because now you are probably just 'her'. You get hurt when he ends it; how did that happen? Maybe you saw it coming, maybe you didn't. Regardless of which it was, that pesky emotion shows face. You 
take time to mourn a love lost, or maybe not. You either regret him and what you had or maybe you learn from the experience. For some, once one strong emotion is lost, it is replaced by another. Hate. When you can't stand to see him happy, usually with someone else. When all the love you had is now a thing of yesterday; how could you have loved this guy? How did you miss all these traits that you now can't stomach? The world would be a better place without him. You never want to see him or hear from or about him.Hate. 

Lucky for us. It doesn't have to happen like that or in that order for that matter. The beauty of life is it throws you curveballs, and throws unexpected people into your life when you're not looking, in ways you never saw coming. That boy you thought you hated in middle school is suddenly that man waiting for you at the altar. That puny girl from around the corner is the beautiful woman having your baby. Love is a beautiful thing, so I hear. I can tell you the road leading to that destination is just as beautiful; bumpy, long and downright frustrating, yet so exciting, heartwarming and the reason you are dreaming about flower fields and rainbows. 
Oh, heart, you are such a soldier! 

Friday, March 28, 2014

Quote for the Day




"It's probably not just by chance that I'm alone. It would be very hard for a man to live with me, unless he's terribly strong. And if he's stronger than me, I"m the one who cant live with him. I am neither smart nor stupid, but I don't think i'm a run-of -the-mill person. I've been in business without being a businesswoman. I've loved without being a woman made only for love. The two men I've loved, I think, will remember me, on earth or in heaven, because men always remember a woman who caused them concern and uneasiness. I've done my best, in regard to people and to life, without precepts, but with a taste for justice.
- Coco Chanel-


that's all she wrote..xoxo























Friday, March 21, 2014

30

M is for Me... lame right? oh well..its been a long uneventful day. Here's 30 random and not so random things about me
1. Am a recluse...10 months of the year...i reckon that needs to change
2. I had a crush on a girl i was convinced was a guy..oops! She makes a totally hot boy though
3. I'm a foodie that doesnt particularly love cooking
4.I'm a lipstick addict-currently on a cleanse,my lips need it
5.Am a sucker for babies, my ovaries are jumping right now(a little inapropriate,no?)
6.I've never been overseas..2015 to do list #1
7.I love Korean tv shows; anyone seen a gentleman's dignity? I love how corny and innocent they are
8.after shoes, i love buying rings
9. i won 1st prize at a regional arts show when i was in primary school for a painting of a warrior
10. i got my first and only piercing when i was 15, a tattoo 7yrs later
11.am terrified of rats
12.I actually enjoy mathematical programming.
13.In grade12(matric) i'd take naps in my tub to avoid being woken up by my friends if i slept on my bed (boarding school was something)
14. For a term, i wore 4 badges in highschool-librarian,deputy class captain,swimming captain and prefect.
15.My family lives on a farm,love it there!
16.Vans over Louboutins(if i could afford them).
17.i climbed (mango) trees til i was 16 (too old?*hides*)
18.i've had that airport moment-great guy,great chemistry,heading to the oppose end of the globe...why??!!?
19.when i was 17, I rolled a drum under water from one end of a 25metre pool to the other with a boy i had the biggest crush on..most romantic thing ever.lol
20.i went to an all girls missionary boarding school-interesting 5years!!
21.4years ago,I scratched my dad's car,my mom and i talked him into thinking he'd done it; my mom's the best.
22.i tend to talk alot, about everything and nothing when am nervous.
23.I went through a 'boxers' phase; heck,that ish is comfy for dayss!
24. The first things i notice about a guy-shoes and hair.
25.whats most important about a guy? personality(cliche?)but really, looks arent such a big deal..it helps if he dresses and speaks "nooiiiccce"..a well read/learned guy with a sexy voice/accent all day every day?yes please..
26. did i already say i love food? am thinking about waffles and cinnamon pancakes right now.
27.Tan and oxblood...two of my fav colours at present
28.i am TERRIFIED of labour...applause for all the moms out there.
29.i lived with a korean family for 8months;they awakened my love for sushi...my chopstick skills are still shameful though.
30.I miss my dad,everyday.

Friday, March 7, 2014

SumCay with Masifunde Learners

 Here's why working with kids is such a joy..





Education, wisdom and Intelligence:part 3

Finally, here is article #3

The Difference Between Wisdom And Intelligence

“Intelligence is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting a tomato in a fruit salad.”

When discussing the difference between wisdom and intelligence, one needs to understand the definition of each. First, one can be wise but not intelligent and one can be intelligent but not wise. The definition of being wise is having or showing experience or knowledge. The definition of intelligent is to show mental keenness, to be smart.
Now a person can be smart and a person can be wise. But the same person is not necessary both at the same time. In many cases you will find that a person that is greatly intelligent will not have much in the way of being wise. In addition those who are very intelligent tend to also be secluded and withdrawn. A wise person will be more open and anxious to try different things.
The two traits do not usually exist together simply because a person who is wise has learned through experience while a person who is intelligent usually will have great book knowledge. This is usually referred to as book smart or street smart. A person who is wise has learned through experiencing the fact whereas a person who is more intelligent has only studied the possibilities.
There are examples of people who are both. However they usually are very good at using only one of their personalities traits at the same time. As a discussion involving evolution may require them to show they are intelligent while a dinner party conversation about the weather might require them to show they are wise. In addition a wise person has likely tried many different things. A person who is intelligent does not understand risk taking or participating in dangerous activities such as hand gliding for example.
It is easy to ascertain a person who is wise from one who is intelligent. An intelligent person will be the one who normally takes over a conversation and make sure that their knowledge is heard and absorbed by those around them. They are more likely to be instructors to people by sharing the intelligent things they have learned over the years.
However an individual that is wise will advise another about the dangers, problems and so on of a plan and then move on. For many years there has been a debate that being intelligent is more important than being wise. It is a matter of ability. Being a wise person does not necessarily require the ability to learn. Many things are learned through doing them and being successful or unsuccessful. When an individual is unsuccessful they wisely choose another route the next time.
Not everyone has the ability to absorb the necessary information to be either wise or intelligent. Some will learn things quickly while others will require many hours of instruction to understand the simplest part of a task. It is not necessarily a matter of being incapable mentally to absorb the information but more a matter of learning styles.
Being a wise person also requires integration. Having the ability to look at the whole picture creates a more well rounded view which leads to a better understanding of the entire subject. An individual that might be intelligent will generally focus on one key part about which they have great knowledge through scholarly study and stick to that one area rather than taking a look at the entire project as a whole. Learn about the difference between wisdom and intelligence.

(http://sharpkiwi.hubpages.com/hub/Difference-Between-Wisdom-And-Intelligence)


Education,Wisdom and Intelligence:Part 2

Here is article #2 (link is at bottom of the page)

Nine Differences between Being Wise and Smart
Posted: June 18, 2012 in By Patrick Bet-David

Being smart is linked to having the key to success. If you were smart growing up, it was almost a given that you were going to be successful. But what about the kid who lost his father when he was twelve, lived in fifteen different places growing up, had to start working at the age of thirteen to support his mother and two brothers, and still had to find a way to have a cool image in school? His GPA almost certainly took a hit due to some of those uncertain circumstances, and that perhaps caused him to not earn the label of smart. What do we do with that kid in our society? Do we throw in the towel for him and say that he has no shot in life because of his circumstances, or do we label him as a wise kid?

Let’s look at some differences between being smart and wise:
1. Can anyone be smart?
What would you call someone who has spent ten years studying a topic? Sports, politics, religion, health, relationships, parenting, or any other topic. How about if she reads 100 books just on that one topic and takes courses on it for years? Wouldn’t that make her smart?
But does that necessarily make her wise? Have you ever met anyone who knows a ton about sports but isn’t necessarily a great athlete? How about someone who has studied religion but doesn’t implement any of the doctrine taught in his religion? What would you call that? Someone who is smart but not necessarily wise possibly?
2. Logic versus emotion.

Smart people tend to process information in a logical way whereas wise people process the emotional, the spiritual, and the subtle side of the logic as well.
3. Speed of growth creates wisdom.

Mark Twain once said, “A person who has had the bull by the tail once has learned sixty to seventy times as much as a person who hasn’t.” I’ve met many smart people in my life who unfortunately pass up the opportunity to put themselves in situations where they would grow at a much faster rate. Sometimes putting ourselves in situations where we haven’t been before empowers us to grow at a rate we never have before. It’s almost as if you experience ten years in a span of six months, which leads to wisdom.
4. Does wisdom only come with age?

Jimmy Connors once said this about experience: “Experience is a great advantage. The problem is that when you get the experience, you’re too damned old to do anything about it.” There’s no doubt that a big part of wisdom does come with experience, but one of the most important formulas for gaining wisdom is to surround yourselves with people much wiser than yourself whom you trust to help you on your journey of gaining wisdom.
5. When to open your mouth and when not to.

Here’s a humorous way of explaining the difference between intelligence and wisdom. Being smart is knowing your wife’s hair style isn’t as good as her last one. Being wise is knowing enough to keep your mouth shut. Gentlemen, this can help you tremendously.
Another explanation could be that a smart person is aware that a tomato is a fruit but a wise person knows not to put one in a fruit salad.
6. Know-it-all versus willing to learn and grow.

A wise person knows that they’re not the smartest person out there, which makes them seek new information in order for them to learn and grow. We’ve all heard the saying “he’s too smart for his own good,” but I’m not sure how often you’ve heard “he’s too wise for his own good.”
7. Knowing versus doing.

There’s a big difference between knowing things and knowing how to use what you know. Reading a book about how to start a business is a waste if you don’t actually start a business. Reading a book about how to improve your health is a waste if you end up having a whole cheesecake by yourself that evening after finishing the book.
8. Employing knowledge versus employing judgment under pressure.

A good friend of mind once said that it’s easier for a wise person to gain knowledge than for a smart person to gain judgment. The obvious difference is that being smart is a process of learning while being wise is a product of experience. Age has very little to do with this. A seventeen-year-old kid who grew up in a war-stricken environment has much better judgment when it comes down to how to react during war than someone who is fifty years old with no experience in war, even if that person has read every single book on war.
9. What did Solomon ask of God?

Solomon in the book of Kings asked God for wisdom to be a good king. Why didn’t he ask God to make him smarter than everyone else?

That prompted me to see how often the word “wisdom” is mentioned in the Bible versus the word “smart.” “Wisdom” is mentioned 219 times, while the word “smart” isn’t used once. That’s right: not even once. The word “intelligent” is used four times and “intelligence” five times, but “smart” isn’t used once. Maybe the Bible is hinting for us to change what to ask for in our prayers.The ideal plan is to work on being wise and smart. Allow your thinking to be challenged in order to get sharper. Apply what you learn in order to turn your knowledge into wisdom. If you know but do not do, you’re considered someone smart. If you learn and apply that knowledge, even though you may make mistakes, you’re working toward becoming wise. And by doing so, you will notice a difference in the way you handle people, overcome challenges, resolve issues, manage money, and increase your value in your occupation.

(http://phpagencyblog.com/2012/06/18/nine-differences-between-being-wise-and-smart/)

Education,Wisdom and Intelligence: Part 1

 I've always been intrigued by the subject of intelligence. As a child my parents would refer to me as "smart," but I quickly noticed that all parents refer to their children as smart. In time I would discover that all children are not smart, just as all babies are not cute. If that were the case, we'd have a world full of beautiful, smart people - which we don't. Some of us are smart; but not as smart as we think, and others are smarter than they seem, which makes me wonder, how do we define smart? What makes one person smarter than another? When do "street smarts" matter more than "book smarts"? Can you be both smart and stupid? Is being smart more of a direct influence of genetics, or one's environment? Then there are the issues of education, intelligence and wisdom. What does it mean to be highly educated? What's the difference between being highly educated and highly intelligent? Does being highly educated automatically make you highly intelligent? Can one be highly intelligent without being highly educated? Do IQ's really mean anything? What makes a person wise? Why is wisdom typically associated with old age?
I did a bit of reading; here's article #1:
What Does It Mean to Be Well-Educated?
By Alfie Kohn

No one should offer pronouncements about what it means to be well-educated without meeting my ex-wife. When I met her, she was at Harvard, putting the finishing touches on her doctoral dissertation in anthropology. A year later, having spent her entire life in school, she decided to do the only logical thing . . . and apply to medical school. She subsequently became a successful practicing physician. However, she will freeze up if you ask her what 8 times 7 is, because she never learned the multiplication table. And forget about grammar (“Me and him went over her house today” is fairly typical) or literature (“Who’s Faulkner?”).

So what do you make of this paradox? Is she a walking indictment of the system that let her get so far -- 29 years of schooling, not counting medical residency -- without acquiring the basics of English and math? Or does she offer an invitation to rethink what it means to be well-educated since what she lacks didn't prevent her from becoming a high-functioning, multiply credentialed, professionally successful individual?

Of course, if those features describe what it means to be well-educated, then there is no dilemma to be resolved. She fits the bill. The problem arises only if your definition includes a list of facts and skills that one must have but that she lacks. In that case, though, my wife is not alone. Thanks to the internet, which allows writers and researchers to circulate rough drafts of their manuscripts, I’ve come to realize just how many truly brilliant people cannot spell or punctuate. Their insights and discoveries may be changing the shape of their respective fields, but they can’t use an apostrophe correctly to save their lives.

Or what about me (he suddenly inquired, relinquishing his comfortable perch from which issue all those judgments of other people)? I could embarrass myself pretty quickly by listing the number of classic works of literature I’ve never read. And I can multiply reasonably well, but everything mathematical I was taught after first-year algebra (and even some of that) is completely gone. How well-educated am I?

*

The issue is sufficiently complex that questions are easier to formulate than answers. So let’s at least be sure we’re asking the right questions and framing them well.

1. The Point of Schooling: Rather than attempting to define what it means to be well-educated, should we instead be asking about the purposes of education? The latter formulation invites us to look beyond academic goals. For example, Nel Noddings, professor emerita at Stanford University, urges us to reject “the deadly notion that the schools’ first priority should be intellectual development” and contends that “the main aim of education should be to produce competent, caring, loving, and lovable people.” Alternatively, we might wade into the dispute between those who see education as a means to creating or sustaining a democratic society and those who believe its primary role is economic, amounting to an “investment” in future workers and, ultimately, corporate profits. In short, perhaps the question “How do we know if education has been successful?” shouldn’t be posed until we have asked what it’s supposed to be successful at.

2. Evaluating People vs. Their Education: Does the phrase well-educated refer to a quality of the schooling you received, or to something about you? Does it denote what you were taught, or what you learned (and remember)? If the term applies to what you now know and can do, you could be poorly educated despite having received a top-notch education. However, if the term refers to the quality of your schooling, then we’d have to conclude that a lot of “well-educated” people sat through lessons that barely registered, or at least are hazy to the point of irrelevance a few years later.

3. An Absence of Consensus: Is it even possible to agree on a single definition of what every high school student should know or be able to do in order to be considered well-educated? Is such a definition expected to remain invariant across cultures (with a single standard for the U.S. and Somalia, for example), or even across subcultures (South-Central Los Angeles and Scarsdale; a Louisiana fishing community, the upper East side of Manhattan, and Pennsylvania Dutch country)? How about across historical eras: would anyone seriously argue that our criteria for “well-educated” today are exactly the same as those used a century ago – or that they should be?

To cast a skeptical eye on such claims is not necessarily to suggest that the term is purely relativistic: you like vanilla, I like chocolate; you favor knowledge about poetry, I prefer familiarity with the Gettysburg Address. Some criteria are more defensible than others. Nevertheless, we have to acknowledge a striking absence of consensus about what the term ought to mean. Furthermore, any consensus that does develop is ineluctably rooted in time and place. It is misleading and even dangerous to justify our own pedagogical values by pretending they are grounded in some objective, transcendent Truth, as though the quality of being well-educated is a Platonic form waiting to be discovered.

4. Some Poor Definitions: Should we instead try to stipulate which answers don’t make sense? I’d argue that certain attributes are either insufficient (possessing them isn’t enough to make one well-educated) or unnecessary (one can be well-educated without possessing them) -- or both. Let us therefore consider ruling out:

Seat time. Merely sitting in classrooms for x hours doesn’t make one well-educated.

Job skills. It would be a mistake to reduce schooling to vocational preparation, if only because we can easily imagine graduates who are well-prepared for the workplace (or at least for some workplaces) but whom we would not regard as well-educated. In any case, pressure to redesign secondary education so as to suit the demands of employers reflects little more than the financial interests -- and the political power -- of these corporations.

Test scores. To a disconcerting extent, high scores on standardized tests signify a facility with taking standardized tests. Most teachers can instantly name students who are talented thinkers but who just don’t do well on these exams – as well as students whose scores seem to overestimate their intellectual gifts. Indeed, researchers have found a statistically significant correlation between high scores on a range of standardized tests and a shallow approach to learning. In any case, no single test is sufficiently valid, reliable, or meaningful that it can be treated as a marker for academic success.

Memorization of a bunch o’ facts. Familiarity with a list of words, names, books, and ideas is a uniquely poor way to judge who is well-educated. As the philosopher Alfred North Whitehead observed long ago, “A merely well-informed man is the most useless bore on God’s earth. . . . Scraps of information” are only worth something if they are put to use, or at least “thrown into fresh combinations.”

Look more carefully at the superficially plausible claim that you must be familiar with, say, King Lear in order to be considered well-educated. To be sure, it’s a classic meditation on mortality, greed, belated understanding, and other important themes. But how familiar with it must you be? Is it enough that you can name its author, or that you know it’s a play? Do you have to be able to recite the basic plot? What if you read it once but barely remember it now?

If you don’t like that example, pick another one. How much do you have to know about neutrinos, or the Boxer rebellion, or the side-angle-side theorem? If deep understanding is required, then (a) very few people could be considered well-educated (which raises serious doubts about the reasonableness of such a definition), and (b) the number of items about which anyone could have that level of knowledge is sharply limited because time is finite. On the other hand, how can we justify a cocktail-party level of familiarity with all these items – reminiscent of Woody Allen’s summary of War and Peace after taking a speed-reading course: “It’s about Russia.” What sense does it make to say that one person is well-educated for having a single sentence’s worth of knowledge about the Progressive Era or photosynthesis, while someone who has to look it up is not?

Knowing a lot of stuff may seem harmless, albeit insufficient, but the problem is that efforts to shape schooling around this goal, dressed up with pretentious labels like “cultural literacy,” have the effect of taking time away from more meaningful objectives, such as knowing how to think. If the Bunch o’ Facts model proves a poor foundation on which to decide who is properly educated, it makes no sense to peel off items from such a list and assign clusters of them to students at each grade level. It is as poor a basis for designing curriculum as it is for judging the success of schooling.

The number of people who do, in fact, confuse the possession of a storehouse of knowledge with being “smart” – the latter being a disconcertingly common designation for those who fare well on quiz shows -- is testament to the naïve appeal that such a model holds. But there are also political implications to be considered here. To emphasize the importance of absorbing a pile of information is to support a larger worldview that sees the primary purpose of education as reproducing our current culture. It is probably not a coincidence that a Core Knowledge model wins rave reviews from Phyllis Schlafly’s Eagle Forum (and other conservative Christian groups) as well as from the likes of Investor’s Business Daily. To be sure, not every individual who favors this approach is a right-winger, but defining the notion of educational mastery in terms of the number of facts one can recall is well-suited to the task of preserving the status quo. By contrast, consider Dewey’s suggestion that an educated person is one who has “gained the power of reflective attention, the power to hold problems, questions, before the mind.” Without this capability, he added, “the mind remains at the mercy of custom and external suggestions.”

5. Mandating a Single Definition: Who gets to decide what it means to be well-educated? Even assuming that you and I agree to include one criterion and exclude another, that doesn’t mean our definition should be imposed with the force of law – taking the form, for example, of requirements for a high school diploma. There are other considerations, such as the real suffering imposed on individuals who aren’t permitted to graduate from high school, the egregious disparities in resources and opportunities available in different neighborhoods, and so on.

More to the point, the fact that so many of us don’t agree suggests that a national (or, better yet, international) conversation should continue, that one definition may never fit all, and, therefore, that we should leave it up to local communities to decide who gets to graduate. But that is not what has happened. In about half the states, people sitting atop Mount Olympus have decreed that anyone who doesn’t pass a certain standardized test will be denied a diploma and, by implication, classified as inadequately educated. This example of accountability gone haywire violates not only common sense but the consensus of educational measurement specialists. And the consequences are entirely predictable: no high school graduation for a disproportionate number of students of color, from low-income neighborhoods, with learning disabilities, attending vocational schools, or not yet fluent in English.

Less obviously, the idea of making diplomas contingent on passing an exam answers by default the question of what it means to be well- (or sufficiently) educated: Rather than grappling with the messy issues involved, we simply declare that standardized tests will tell us the answer. This is disturbing not merely because of the inherent limits of the tests, but also because teaching becomes distorted when passing those tests becomes the paramount goal. Students arguably receive an inferior education when pressure is applied to raise their test scores, which means that high school exit exams may actually lower standards.

Beyond proclaiming “Pass this standardized test or you don’t graduate,” most states now issue long lists of curriculum standards, containing hundreds of facts, skills, and subskills that all students are expected to master at a given grade level and for a given subject. These standards are not guidelines but mandates (to which teachers are supposed to “align” their instruction). In effect, a Core Knowledge model, with its implication of students as interchangeable receptacles into which knowledge is poured, has become the law of the land in many places. Surely even defenders of this approach can appreciate the difference between arguing in its behalf and requiring that every school adopt it.

6. The Good School: Finally, instead of asking what it means to be well-educated, perhaps we should inquire into the qualities of a school likely to offer a good education. I’ve offered my own answer to that question at book length, as have other contributors to this issue. As I see it, the best sort of schooling is organized around problems, projects, and questions – as opposed to facts, skills, and disciplines. Knowledge is acquired, of course, but in a context and for a purpose. The emphasis is not only on depth rather than breadth, but also on discovering ideas rather than on covering a prescribed curriculum. Teachers are generalists first and specialists (in a given subject matter) second; they commonly collaborate to offer interdisciplinary courses that students play an active role in designing. All of this happens in small, democratic schools that are experienced as caring communities.

Notwithstanding the claims of traditionalists eager to offer – and then dismiss -- a touchy-feely caricature of progressive education, a substantial body of evidence exists to support the effectiveness of each of these components as well as the benefits of using them in combination. By contrast, it isn’t easy to find any data to justify the traditional (and still dominant) model of secondary education: large schools, short classes, huge student loads for each teacher, a fact-transmission kind of instruction that is the very antithesis of “student-centered,” the virtual absence of any attempt to integrate diverse areas of study, the rating and ranking of students, and so on. Such a system acts as a powerful obstacle to good teaching, and it thwarts the best efforts of many talented educators on a daily basis.

Low-quality instruction can be assessed with low-quality tests, including homegrown quizzes and standardized exams designed to measure (with faux objectivity) the number of facts and skills crammed into short-term memory. The effects of high-quality instruction are trickier, but not impossible, to assess. The most promising model turns on the notion of “exhibitions” of learning, in which students reveal their understanding by means of in-depth projects, portfolios of assignments, and other demonstrations – a model pioneered by Ted Sizer, Deborah Meier, and others affiliated with the Coalition of Essential Schools. By now we’re fortunate to have access not only to essays about how this might be done (such as Sizer’s invaluable Horace series) but to books about schools that are actually doing it: The Power of Their Ideas by Meier, about Central Park East Secondary School in New York City; Rethinking High School by Harvey Daniels and his colleagues, about Best Practice High School in Chicago; and One Kid at a Time by Eliot Levine, about the Met in Providence, RI.

The assessments in such schools are based on meaningful standards of excellence, standards that may collectively offer the best answer to our original question simply because to meet those criteria is as good a way as any to show that one is well-educated. The Met School focuses on social reasoning, empirical reasoning, quantitative reasoning, communication, and personal qualities (such as responsibility, capacity for leadership, and self-awareness). Meier has emphasized the importance of developing five “habits of mind”: the value of raising questions about evidence (“How do we know what we know?”), point of view (“Whose perspective does this represent?”), connections (“How is this related to that?”), supposition (“How might things have been otherwise?”), and relevance (“Why is this important?”).

It’s not only the ability to raise and answer those questions that matters, though, but also the disposition to do so. For that matter, any set of intellectual objectives, any description of what it means to think deeply and critically, should be accompanied by a reference to one’s interest or intrinsic motivation to do such thinking. Dewey reminded us that the goal of education is more education. To be well-educated, then, is to have the desire as well as the means to make sure that learning never ends.

(http://www.alfiekohn.org/teaching/welleducated.htm)




Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Live.Laugh.Love.

"Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty."

I am feeling a little in over my head with my honours; looking at my year's curriculum has me up in arms and feeling more than a little intimidated. Its no longer just about the grades; definitely more than just getting the work done. I have a treatise to write up with no real idea of what it is i want to base it on; thinking about it is already giving me a headache.

But then he who is the slave of habit, who follows the same routes every day;
who never changes pace,who does not risk and change the colour of his clothes, who does not speak and does not experience,
dies slowly.

He or she who shuns passion, who prefers black on white;
dotting ones rather than a bundle of emotions, the kind that make your eyes glimmer, that turn a yawn into a smile; that make the heart pound in the face of mistakes and feelings,
dies slowly.

He or she who does not turn things tipsy turvy, who does not risk certainty for uncertainty to follow a dream,
those who do not forego sound advice atleast once in their lives,
die slowly.

He who does not travel,who does not read, who does not listen to music, who does not find grace in himself,
dies slowly.

He who slowly destroys his own self-esteem, who does not allow himself to be helped,
who spends days on end complaining about his own bad luck, about rain that never stops,
dies slowly.

He or she who abandons a project before starting it, who fails to ask questions on subjects he doesnt know,
he or she who doesn't reply when they are asked something they do know,
dies slowly.

Am trying to avoid death in small doses; reminding myself that being alive requires an effort far greater than the simple fact of breathing. Only a burning patience will lead to the attainment of a splendid happiness.

             Live.Laugh.Love.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Letting go

When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not ready. The challenge will not wait! When we meet someone and we fall in love; we have a sense that the whole universe is on our side. And yet if something goes wrong, there is nothing left. How is it possible for the beauty that was there only minutes before to vanish so quickly? It hurts to let go. Sometimes it seems the harder you try to hold on to something or someone, the more it wants to get away. You feel like some kind of criminal for having felt, having wanted. For having wanted to be wanted. It confuses you because you think that your feelings were wrong and it makes you feel so small. Even though you may want to move forward, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn to let go. Release the fear; release the hurt. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life.

Thursday, February 6, 2014

2 years ago today

07.02.12..i felt more alone than I'd ever felt. Like i couldnt stand walking this world knowing he wasnt in it. Like somehow, as long as he was out there somewhere, if i was ever really in trouble i knew where i could go and while maybe he wouldnt do exactly what i wanted him to do, he'd keep me alive; he would get me through whatever it was to live another day.  But he wasnt anywhere i could reach him anymore, it broke my heart...breaks my heart still. When you miss someone..its weird, your body doesnt function normally..as it should. Because I miss you and my heart is not steady, my soul is numb, my fingers are cold.
There are many things i dont know but quite a few i do. I know you cant be lost if you know where you are. I know that life is full of precious and fragile things, and not all of them are pretty. I know that the sun follows the moon and makes days, one after another. Time passes, the world turns and we turn with it; and though we can never go back to the beginning, sometimes we can start again. But i do not know how to ever move on from this; how to ever think of you and not wish you were still here; how to not be broken. I am broken, almost all-the-way-deep, and I dont know if i can ever be unbroken, let alone well again.
I miss you pa...more than i could ever learn to express. Rest in Peace.

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Bits: Here and there

>Fallen down,am still alive. When your train of thought is derailed,that's when you need to learn to press on.

>Searching for answers, you'll find the truth in a child's eyes when the only limit is the sky.

>You've got to stand for something,even if you stand alone.
>The world will be waiting for you,so don't try to be something or someone you are not.

>We set our own course, to live and be alive or to just go through the motions. If you learn life's lessons you will do well.

>People do two things; let life push them around or get angry and push back. But you push against your lecturer, your books or your friends, not knowing its life that is pushing you.

>Don't be too unforgiving on yourself,because when you have nothing else left, all you have is you and God.

Who you are

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."
                   -Ralph Waldo Emerson-

It is foolish for me to record my thoughts but when they are so loud, so huge, so brilliantly coloured, I wonder how the world cant see them bursting out of my head.
Life is a series of choices, one twists into the next and the path shifts. It never really rides straight unless there are no joys, no sorrows. I will always prefer the road that wanders. I have made my choices, for better or worse, they were mine to make. I take full responsibility for the results of those choices.
We are part of a world that has yet to figure what is important; one that upholds lust over love, dominion over authority, friends over family; to base who you become and how you live your life on its standards is an injustice to yourself.
My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me. He let me know that no one should define you but yourself; not standards, norms or anything else deemed as an acceptable code by which we should live. In the end its not just the big and small events that make you who you are, it is how you react to them, thats where you have control over your life.

Friday, January 24, 2014

No pretence here

I am at a point in my life where i don't need to pretend to be anything: who i am, who am friends with or how i feel. I am in search of what it means to be genuine and at peace with who i really am. I have abandoned the masquerade of living up to the expectations of others. I am instead exploring what it means to be truly and completely me; in all my amazing imperfection. Most people 'love' you for who you pretend to be, and to keep that love, you keep pretending. You get locked in an image, an act and the sad thing is people get attached to these masks and forget who they are beneath them; avoiding rather than confronting the world. And when you try to remind them, they hate you for it. I despise the rituals of fake friendship; we should just claw each others eyes out and call it a day instead of putting up huge radiant smiles and giving compliments until our teeth hurt from it all.

Disappointment

I have heard that disappointment, defeat and despair are the tools God uses to show us the way. But they are things in this world you rely on like a sure bet; academic credibility for example. And when they let you down, shifting from where you've carefully placed them, it shakes your faith, right where you stand. It is in those times you feel a sense of loss even though you did not have something in the first place. I guess thats what disappointment is-a sense of loss for something you never had. It will come when your effort does not give you the expected return, if things dont go as planned or when you face failure. Failure is extremely difficult to handle; but those that do, come out stronger. You feel miserable and want to quit, but c'est la vie - it is life. You must make a decision that you are going to move on. It wont happen automatically but you will have to rise up and say 'i dont care how hard this is, i don't care how disappointed i am, i am not going to let this get the best of me. I am moving on with life.' There are worse things than disappointment; and i have lived through several of them already.

Thursday, January 9, 2014

2 Timothy 4:7

"I have fought the good fight,i have finished the race, i have kept the faith"

Monday, January 6, 2014

Memoirs

So i woke up this morning(in my own room,finally home) and i noticed a little diary that looked so familiar sticking out of a bag. I went over and opened the bag; and lo and behold...here's all these letters,cards and booklets from high school, from when i was 15 to when i was 17! Now i've had a good laugh at some of the things i wrote,and half the things my friends and i talked about..but am impressed with some of the ish i wrote; i have a few redeeming pieces from back then. Also i just realised i had some good friends back then,or so i thought. Sadly,i haven't seen or spoken to most in years..the friendships just sort of fizzled out after high school. Guess we grew up and became totally different people.

I must have had a serious crush on some boy(?) when i wrote this..

"ever taken a moment to stop and just look me in the eye. If you did you'd see am not a haven of bliss nor peace;that within i am not shimmering,but shattering. Ever taken a minute to think of how much your hie would mean,make me a tad bit rich. Its not what you'll say but what you'll be doing thats gonna get me started. How do i ever say to you that that hie that i never said might have changed you. How do i ever say to you that that i love you i would never say meant more than all the spicy words i ever let out. i just want you to know that if you really knew me that much, you'd know that i cared enough and loved you even more. Because you are special"
*face palm*
oh boy, how cheesy! Lmao.. Boy am i glad that that me got left behind when i left high school.

Telling tales

It is people who have not the slightest clue of whats going on in your life that have so much to say about you. The way i see it, they clearly don't have much going for them. I'm always amused, fascinated really, when i hear rumours about me and things i didn't even know i had done or said; in all fairness, maybe i have a doppelganger somewhere (not). I don't let petty things such as these bother me; but i also know how it can be devasting for some. On the real though, why do people just up and start fabricating 'funny' stories about others? surely you must have better things to do with your time.If not, sorry but am not sorry to say that you are a very sad person. You need to sit your ass down and eat cake; sugar up all that negative energy and maybe get fat whilst you're at it(lol)..If you're one of these people or even just tell tales whose truth you're not certain of,shame on you!

More fruits of solitude

Death is but crossing the world,as friends do the seas,they live in one another still. For they must need to be present,love and live in that which is omnipresent. In this divine glass they see face to face; and their converse is free,as well as pure. This is the comfort of friends,that though they may be said to die,yet their friendship and society are,in the best sense, ever present....immortal.
-William Penn-
I  typed this out a few weeks ago but didn't post it; i guess the world has a way of making things work out at appropriate times because this message is just about right for t'day. Just the other day we laid to rest someone dear to me; a woman most described a gallant soldier,a true daughter of the Almighty father; someone that had become a second mother to my sister only 6months ago. It is true what they say; the good ones always go first. She may be dead to us physically but her legacy lives on; such a beautiful soul she was. May God rest her soul.