Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Live.Laugh.Love.

"Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty."

I am feeling a little in over my head with my honours; looking at my year's curriculum has me up in arms and feeling more than a little intimidated. Its no longer just about the grades; definitely more than just getting the work done. I have a treatise to write up with no real idea of what it is i want to base it on; thinking about it is already giving me a headache.

But then he who is the slave of habit, who follows the same routes every day;
who never changes pace,who does not risk and change the colour of his clothes, who does not speak and does not experience,
dies slowly.

He or she who shuns passion, who prefers black on white;
dotting ones rather than a bundle of emotions, the kind that make your eyes glimmer, that turn a yawn into a smile; that make the heart pound in the face of mistakes and feelings,
dies slowly.

He or she who does not turn things tipsy turvy, who does not risk certainty for uncertainty to follow a dream,
those who do not forego sound advice atleast once in their lives,
die slowly.

He who does not travel,who does not read, who does not listen to music, who does not find grace in himself,
dies slowly.

He who slowly destroys his own self-esteem, who does not allow himself to be helped,
who spends days on end complaining about his own bad luck, about rain that never stops,
dies slowly.

He or she who abandons a project before starting it, who fails to ask questions on subjects he doesnt know,
he or she who doesn't reply when they are asked something they do know,
dies slowly.

Am trying to avoid death in small doses; reminding myself that being alive requires an effort far greater than the simple fact of breathing. Only a burning patience will lead to the attainment of a splendid happiness.

             Live.Laugh.Love.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Letting go

When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not ready. The challenge will not wait! When we meet someone and we fall in love; we have a sense that the whole universe is on our side. And yet if something goes wrong, there is nothing left. How is it possible for the beauty that was there only minutes before to vanish so quickly? It hurts to let go. Sometimes it seems the harder you try to hold on to something or someone, the more it wants to get away. You feel like some kind of criminal for having felt, having wanted. For having wanted to be wanted. It confuses you because you think that your feelings were wrong and it makes you feel so small. Even though you may want to move forward, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn to let go. Release the fear; release the hurt. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life.

Thursday, February 6, 2014

2 years ago today

07.02.12..i felt more alone than I'd ever felt. Like i couldnt stand walking this world knowing he wasnt in it. Like somehow, as long as he was out there somewhere, if i was ever really in trouble i knew where i could go and while maybe he wouldnt do exactly what i wanted him to do, he'd keep me alive; he would get me through whatever it was to live another day.  But he wasnt anywhere i could reach him anymore, it broke my heart...breaks my heart still. When you miss someone..its weird, your body doesnt function normally..as it should. Because I miss you and my heart is not steady, my soul is numb, my fingers are cold.
There are many things i dont know but quite a few i do. I know you cant be lost if you know where you are. I know that life is full of precious and fragile things, and not all of them are pretty. I know that the sun follows the moon and makes days, one after another. Time passes, the world turns and we turn with it; and though we can never go back to the beginning, sometimes we can start again. But i do not know how to ever move on from this; how to ever think of you and not wish you were still here; how to not be broken. I am broken, almost all-the-way-deep, and I dont know if i can ever be unbroken, let alone well again.
I miss you pa...more than i could ever learn to express. Rest in Peace.

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Bits: Here and there

>Fallen down,am still alive. When your train of thought is derailed,that's when you need to learn to press on.

>Searching for answers, you'll find the truth in a child's eyes when the only limit is the sky.

>You've got to stand for something,even if you stand alone.
>The world will be waiting for you,so don't try to be something or someone you are not.

>We set our own course, to live and be alive or to just go through the motions. If you learn life's lessons you will do well.

>People do two things; let life push them around or get angry and push back. But you push against your lecturer, your books or your friends, not knowing its life that is pushing you.

>Don't be too unforgiving on yourself,because when you have nothing else left, all you have is you and God.

Who you are

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."
                   -Ralph Waldo Emerson-

It is foolish for me to record my thoughts but when they are so loud, so huge, so brilliantly coloured, I wonder how the world cant see them bursting out of my head.
Life is a series of choices, one twists into the next and the path shifts. It never really rides straight unless there are no joys, no sorrows. I will always prefer the road that wanders. I have made my choices, for better or worse, they were mine to make. I take full responsibility for the results of those choices.
We are part of a world that has yet to figure what is important; one that upholds lust over love, dominion over authority, friends over family; to base who you become and how you live your life on its standards is an injustice to yourself.
My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me. He let me know that no one should define you but yourself; not standards, norms or anything else deemed as an acceptable code by which we should live. In the end its not just the big and small events that make you who you are, it is how you react to them, thats where you have control over your life.