Dear Husband

Dear husband,

The date is April 26, 2014. I don't think I have met you yet; but if I have, am glad you are in my life, even though you might possibly not be my favorite person right now. You may not realise it yet either, you might think me obnoxious and silly, intimidating and mean or maybe even too serious to be your type. But if on the contrary you find me most attractive and charming, quirky and smart; I can't wait to meet you. I hope I realise what a catch you are on a beautiful day; I hope I learn to love you in the purest of ways. I know it won't be a fairytale but I hope ours will be a story to tell; not because of how extraordinary it was, but because of how unexpectedly beautiful it became. I hope you will love me as much as I will love you, maybe even more (:D). I hope you give the warmest hugs and like to hold hands; and I sure hope you'll be patient with me. I hope you like babies as much as I do (just don't expect me to have 5). I hope you appreciate a good read as much as i do, indulge in good food as I do. I hope you'll be adventurous, never limiting yourself to the ordinary. I hope you are a man who does not conform to standards, but goes above and beyond what is expected.

Husband, I hope I will become a better person because you inspire me. In you, I hope to find a friend and a lover; a safe haven and a pillar for all things I could not bear alone. In you I hope to give our children a great gift, a father like no other.

 

"To My Dear and Loving Husband

Anne Bradstreet, 1612 - 1672

If ever two were one, then surely we.
If ever man were loved by wife, then thee;
If ever wife was happy in a man,
Compare with me ye women if you can.
I prize thy love more than whole mines of gold,
Or all the riches that the East doth hold.
My love is such that rivers cannot quench,
Nor ought but love from thee give recompense.
Thy love is such I can no way repay;	
The heavens reward thee manifold, I pray.
Then while we live, in love let's so persever,
That when we live no more we may live ever. "

Thoughts leading to 'Dear Husband'

Suppose we got older, without looking back, together..you and I...

A topic thats come up a lot in quite a few of the conversations I've had lately is that of who you end up with, who you'll get to call husband and the father of your child(ren) some day and what kind of a person you hope he'll be. I keep telling myself I don't have to think about it just yet..after all I reckon I still have plenty of time to make up my mind about who or what I need and want in my life for the long haul. Sounds great right? Except it isn't such a great plan..am in my mid twenties and not getting any younger... Not that I plan to get married tomorrow, just to be clear.

Hold my hand when we cross the street; wake me up with a good morning kiss. Play my favorite song and never be afraid to rock out with me. Text me in the middle of the day, call me to say goodnight. Send me a dozen roses just because you can; take me out of town, just to try something new.  Wouldn't we all like to be with someone like that?!  I would, but that's not all I want.. This would make the perfect boyfriend, and maybe also the perfect husband. But I think the latter needs to be a lot more.

4 letter words

Like.Love.Hurt.Hate.

In the words of Sir Elton Jones, "it's a little bit funny" how much weight a four letter word can carry; don't you agree? 

You wake up one day, and life leads you on a path that crosses someone else's and suddenly you are having sleepless nights about someone who in more ways than one is a stranger. Like. His perfect. Gentle, funny, sweet, different. His everything you've been wanting; where has he been all your life? That's probably whatever hormones that trigger crushes;some might call it infatuation. You see no wrong, only perfection. You get to spend time with him, talk over the phone, maybe even go to the movies; you start to like him. Now, at this point you have realized he is not all perfection, he has flaws, just like the next person. It bothers you, and you try to get him to work on them. You tell your siblings about him and show him off to your friends. You always look your best and are on your best behavior around him. You send each other cute text messages.   One day, you realise the flaws that bothered you before, don't. They quite frankly make him the person he is..oh wait.. Yes, the person you love. Love. How did that happen? How did you suddenly go from talking on the phone late at night to talking on the phone during the day? From being at your best with him to being just you around him. The thing about this love thing, the way I see it, is you don't need to try, you just do. Suddenly you are talking about him to your parents, bringing him to Sunday lunch(maybe not in my Zambian home..lol) and suddenly his happiness means as much to you as yours does. Even when you are not having sleepless nights thinking about him, you know his the one that has your heart. You find yourself putting his needs before yours. And that's where things start to get a little complicated. Your heart is his, but is his heart yours? He calls only every other day. Constantly picks the boys over you; now don't get me wrong, his allowed to have time with his boys, just as you are your girls; but when on any given day his picking the boys over you,or doing one thing or the next, you start to question where you stand. Questions need answers. When you can't find them yourself, you ask him. Turns out, the answers aren't always what we want to hear. Hurt. That pesky annoying emotion that we all don't like, yes that happens. You get hurt when you realise your efforts are not as appreciated as you hoped; your love has been taken for granted. You get hurt when he forgets your birthday, when you leave messages and he doesn't call you or text back. You get hurt when you realise you are not the most important person in his life anymore, because now you are probably just 'her'. You get hurt when he ends it; how did that happen? Maybe you saw it coming, maybe you didn't. Regardless of which it was, that pesky emotion shows face. You 

take time to mourn a love lost, or maybe not. You either regret him and what you had or maybe you learn from the experience. For some, once one strong emotion is lost, it is replaced by another. Hate. When you can't stand to see him happy, usually with someone else. When all the love you had is now a thing of yesterday; how could you have loved this guy? How did you miss all these traits that you now can't stomach? The world would be a better place without him. You never want to see him or hear from or about him.Hate. 

Lucky for us. It doesn't have to happen like that or in that order for that matter. The beauty of life is it throws you curveballs, and throws unexpected people into your life when you're not looking, in ways you never saw coming. That boy you thought you hated in middle school is suddenly that man waiting for you at the altar. That puny girl from around the corner is the beautiful woman having your baby. Love is a beautiful thing, so I hear. I can tell you the road leading to that destination is just as beautiful; bumpy, long and downright frustrating, yet so exciting, heartwarming and the reason you are dreaming about flower fields and rainbows. 

Oh, heart, you are such a soldier!